Children are, of equal magnitude, a blessing and a responsibility. They are an heritage and a reward from God (Psalm 127), but with them is given a strong charge, particularly to fathers (Ephesians 6). So serious is this responsibility, that God harshly judged Eli, a good priest but a negligent father (1 Samuel 3:11-13). Eli serves as a sober reminder that a man can be regarded by men as a respected leader and even a faithful minister — but be judged by God as a poor father.
It is often stated that children don’t come with instruction manuals. For some issues of parenting a father must certainly seek secular sources, but, thankfully, the major issues are specifically addressed in Scripture. Some are addressed as explicit commands, and others can be inferred from godly examples. The quintessential example of a godly father is God Himself. Verily, God prototypes Himself as Father. The significance of this must not be overlooked, and the implications must not be ignored. Whenever a father wrestles with issues not clear in Scripture, he should look first to emulate the character of his Heavenly Father.
The characteristics of our Heavenly Father can be seen in myriad passages. For the sake of brevity, I have limited this list to Jesus’ relationship to His Father as found in the John’s gospel account, which emphasizes God’s role as Father. In fact, John’s gospel refers to the Father 122 times - approximately 3 times that of the next closest gospel account (Matthew, at 44 times). Observe what we may learn from this perfect father-son relationship
1. A godly father models everything he wants his child to do.
John 5:17-19 But Jesus answered them, My Father worketh hitherto, and I work. Therefore the Jews sought the more to kill him, because he not only had broken the sabbath, but said also that God was his Father, making himself equal with God. Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.
What would the perfect Son say about His perfect Father? This is the first characteristic of a godly father – everything the Father wanted the Son to do, He did in the Son’s view.
In a world where sons live in uncertainty of what it means to be a man and what a man is supposed to do, a good father serves as an intentional model to his child. This means that a father actively exhibits the actions and attitudes that his child should emulate, and this means that a father never exhibits actions or attitudes that his son should not emulate.
Implied is the necessity of the father’s time and presence with his child. Regrettably, even Christian fathers remain too busy pursuing earthly cares, earthly riches, or earthly pleasures to provide an adequate model for their children. Indeed, many a faithful, Christian father models sportsmanship, chivalry, work ethic, and even religion with their children yet fails to model his most valuable attributes: his diligent Bible reading, his earnest prayer life, his sacrificial giving, his church ministry, and his personal worship. A godly father must be intentional to model manhood, fatherhood, and godliness to his child.
2. A godly father affirms his child such that he can endure adversity.
John 8:53-54 Art thou greater than our father Abraham, which is dead? and the prophets are dead: whom makest thou thyself? Jesus answered, If I honour myself, my honour is nothing: it is my Father that honoureth me; of whom ye say, that he is your God:
In John 8, the religious leaders rejected Jesus’ teaching and even His identity, implying He was born of fornication, suggesting He was not a Jew but a Samaritan, and asserting that He was possessed by a devil. This rejection from powerful and respected leaders would have sent most men backpedaling in insecurity. On the contrary, Jesus was fortified by His Father’s affirmation.
The Son did not have to imagine or assume His Father’s affirmation; the Father’s approval of His Son was not merely implied; rather, the Father verbally and clearly explicated honor on His Son, both at His baptism (Matthew 3:17) and His transfiguration (Matthew 17:5).
Matthew 3:17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.
Matthew 17:5 While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him.
The latter expression is rehearsed by Peter, who was present at the Transfiguration.
Under inspiration, he recalls:
2 Peter 1:17-18 For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount.
It is noteworthy for fathers that God's affirmation was not in absence of His Son but expressed in His presence, nor was the affirmation merely private, but public. God even called for others to hear His Son.
The lesson for fathers is clear: publicly and personally affirming your child verbally fortifies him against the criticism he’ll face in this world. Sadly, many children receive constant criticism from the very source from which they should receive affirmation. Disastrously, they will receive the approval for which they long from this wicked world, when they reject Christ, pursue carnality, yield to sin, or condone wickedness. A godly father does not leave a child longing for affirmation, nor does he make his approval unattainable or uncertain; a godly father honors his child with verbal affirmation and public approval.
3. A godly father knows his child and is known of him.
John 10:15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.
It seems almost superfluous to say that God the Father knew God the Son. Likewise, it seems obvious that the Son would know the Father; they eternally exist together in the Godhead. But as Jesus wanted his first century listeners to believe His relationship with the Father, so He desires His twenty-first century readers to understand the intimacy of the father-child relationship.
God the Father knew the Son in a deep and personal way. The Father not only knew the substance of the Son’s life plans (I lay down my life), but He also understood the motivation (for the sheep). How this contrasts the fathers of our culture — many of which don’t know what their child plans to do and most of which can’t perceive why they intend to do it. A godly father is not unaware of his child’s hopes, dreams, desires, aspirations, and values; rather he seeks to know his child deeply and personally, and he cultivates genuineness in the relationship that values transparent, personal, meaningful conversation.
This verse also presents the corollary — God the Son knew the Father in a deep and personal way. If a father must break the cultural mold to know his child, even more so must he overcome his natural tendencies and be known of his child. Unfortunately, most children don’t truly know their fathers. Could you relay your father’s biggest struggles, his greatest fears, his most disappointing failures, his highest joys, his personal prayer requests, or his hopes for you? Sadly, most children see their father as an enigma, not even knowing how to please him.
This verse contains a veiled blessing for fathers. The sentence structure suggests that Jesus laid down his life for the sheep because he knew the Father. Knowing the Father’s will motivated the Son to pursue it fervently — even laying down his own life. So it is with children; God has designed them with an intrinsic desire to please their fathers. Father, be encouraged that if you will dedicate the time, energy, focus, and vulnerability to be known of your child, he will seek to do your will.
4. A godly father gives clear commands to his children.
John 10:17-18 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.
The same passage reveals another characteristic of God the Father. He gave a clear command to the Son. Our society praises parents who let children figure out their beliefs, morals, views, and identities on their own (Proverbs 29:15), but the Bible calls fathers to not only influence but also command their children.
If any child was excellent enough to be exempt from commands, it was God the Son, yet the Father commands Him. Your child needs your commanding. Proper responsibilities and enforced boundaries are essential for your child’s development. Fathers must notice that the command was not vague or obscure; the Son knew exactly what He was to do. Likewise, your child must not receive vague commands that leave ambiguity in compliance; the requirement must be clear and the consequences certain.
Jesus begins by stating His assurance of His Father’s love. A child should perceive every one of his father’s commands within the context of his love for the child. Indeed, every correction and consequence of a disobeyed command must also be given in the context of the father’s love.
The cost and benefit of the Father’s command must not be overlooked. The Father’s command was for the Son to both lay down His life and take it again. The command called for self-denial, but was ultimately for the Son’s good (John 12:24). A godly father must give difficult commands, but he must ensure that every command is for the good of his child.
5. A godly father prepares his child and sends him into the world.
John 10:36 Say ye of him, whom the Father hath sanctified, and sent into the world, Thou blasphemest; because I said, I am the Son of God?
John 12:49 For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak.
God the Father sending His Son is closely related to the commandment. The Father sent the Son with the purpose to save the world (1 John 4:14). Generally, every child was created for God’s glory (Colossians 1:16; Revelation 4:11), but a godly father must also see a specific purpose for his child and then send the child into the world to fulfill that purpose.
God designed children to be as arrows to be launched by a mighty archer (Psalm 127:3-40). Rather than staying with us permanently, children are to be prepared to be launched into God’s plan for their lives. A good archer aims at the target before releasing that arrow. It is incumbent on the father to aim his child and release him.
This world is a scary place to launch your precious reward from the Lord. This is why it is important to notice that the Father first sanctified the Son before sending Him. Sending an unsanctified, undisciplined, untrained child into this wicked world would be a gross negligence. Therefore, a godly father must work toward his child’s sanctification, taking an active, lead role in their spiritual development.
Our Living Faith Fellowship is passionate about making disciples and sending leaders, but how sad would it be to miss the mark with those for whom we are most accountable?
6. A godly father hears his child.
John 11:41-42 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me.
Here lies one of the blessed characteristics of God the Father – though He has millions of children, His ears are open to each one. This statement immediately precedes His resurrection of Lazarus. Jesus expresses his certainty in the Father’s hearing before He commands, “Lazarus, come forth.” Behold, what confidence.
Most children feel like they lost the competition for their parents’ attention to career, social media, emails, phones, TV, recreation. Children feel like their parents would rather listen to 100 other voices and that their voice is not heard.
Though he may have several children, manage a large business, or lead a flourishing ministry, a godly father has children who are confident that they have his ear. Oh father, you may have more voices vying for your attention than ever in history – more entertainment, more communication, more connection, more expectation, more, more, more – yet you must lay a boundary around time with your child. You must foster the energy and interest to listen (and hear).
Truly, God is a good, good Father – not only to His only begotten Son but also to all those given power to become His sons (John 1:12). He truly is the “World’s Best Dad” and the scriptural pattern for fathers. Be encouraged to have such a Father, and by His grace, pattern your parenting after Him. Allow each victory and failure, blessing and challenge to help you better comprehend the Father’s grace, faithfulness, and purpose and better display them to those you father. To God be the glory!
James DeKoker is the lead pastor at Oakland Heights Baptist Church in Cartersville, GA.
