No Christian parent wants to see their children walk away from God. Unfortunately, that happens far too often today. While statistics don’t always tell the whole story, they are alarming. In an article published in 2019 by Lifeway Research, 66% of American young adults who attended a Protestant church regularly for at least a year as a teenager say they dropped out for at least a year between the ages of 18 and 22. Only 34% percent say they continued to attend twice a month or more. While the reasons for this trend are many, the reality for families is it is hard to deal with. For parents of grown children who have gone wayward, the feelings of disappointment, failure, and even anger toward God are common. However, we know that our feelings, no matter how pure or impure, are not the answer to parenting through these difficult situations (Jeremiah 17:9).
Above all, and maybe the hardest part, is trusting God while your child is walking away from him. A very familiar passage, but one that can never be forgotten is Proverbs 3:5-6 — “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
As parents, we must trust God. We must trust Him with our children. This principle is challenged many ways in a Christian’s life, most often when we encounter things we cannot control. There will come a time in every parent’s life when you will not be able to control what your children do. They will make their own decisions. They may make decisions that go against what you have taught them. At this point, you must trust in the Lord with all your heart. That means you cannot be their saviour.
As a parent, one must turn their children over to God for their care and control. A parent cannot trust their child to the Lord while trying to be the Lord in their child’s life. It does no good for a parent to bail their child out from mistakes they make while they are away from God. Many times, God will use the discomforts of this life to show someone their need for Him. If a parent continuously enables a child to be away from God, do not be surprised if they stay there. The trouble they encounter away from God may just be — and probably is — chastening from the Lord to correct them and lead them to repentance.
Too many times parents take the rod of correction out of God’s hand by swooping in to be their children’s saviour and rescue them. In such cases, a parent cannot trust their eyes, their heart, or their understanding. The question for parents is, “Do you trust your child to the Lord with all your heart?” The truth is, God can take care of everyone better than anyone else. Sometimes a parent’s understanding is that you must always save your children. But, if a parent will allow God to save them, the results will be far better for both the parent and the child. Psalm 116:5 declares, “Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.”
A parent must also stay consistent in their walk with Jesus Christ. A child can see when a parent’s faith becomes weak. That diminishes the believability of the parent’s testimony. Should a wayward child believe a parent who is not living a faith that they are trying to teach? Ephesians 3:5-6 says, “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” A wayward child needs to see their parents walking in faith and speaking the grace of Jesus Christ from the Word of God.
There are, obviously, situations where the child will not listen to or receive the grace of a parent or the Word of God. However, the personal responsibility is for the parent to do what is right no matter what the child does with what is being offered. Many people reject Christ, but that doesn’t negate the believer’s responsibility to share the gospel. Some parents may give in to the thought that bringing up spiritual things to their child in this state only makes it worse. While this may seem best on the surface, pointing the wayward child to God’s word is the only hope of making things better. Parents should never hesitate to share the grace of Jesus in order to appease their child when that grace is what they need more than anything in their life. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” The Word of God is given for correction. Correction is not pleasant, but it is good. Hebrews 12:11 reminds us, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” Parents: speak the Word, and let God correct.
Lastly, the parent must be a praying one. Why wouldn’t they be when they have this incredible promise from 1 Peter 5:6-7? “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” Parents, God cares about you. He cares about your wayward child. Never forget that. Never give up on that. Your situation may look completely impossible, but Mark 10:27 says, “And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.”
A man with a wayward son walked into a meeting with his prayer partners. As he sat down, he asked the group to pray for his son who had walked away from God. He knew the young man was saved, so he asked them to pray that if his son continued to live outside of the will of God that they would pray God would take him home and not disgrace the name of his Saviour. While that may seem “spiritual”, it is not biblical. 1 John 5:16 says, “If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it.” A parent should never give up on their child coming back to Christ, but instead pray that their child is delivered from that sin. Romans 12:12 says, “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.”
Everyone knows the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). It seemed impossible for the prodigal son to return to his father, but it happened. And when he did return, his father made all the preparations to receive him. But before all that, the father allowed his son to make his own decisions and live in them. We are not told in Luke 15:11-32 what the father did during the time his son was wayward. It would be hard to believe that the nights were not spent by the father praying for his son. But he didn’t go after him. He allowed him to learn from his mistakes. He was ready to receive him when he came home and rejoiced. Surely, he prayed.
The end goal for all of life is to “Fear God and keep his commandments” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). Parenting is not the exception. While it is very difficult and even painful at times, parenting comes down to a parent living and teaching God’s Word to their children, and then trusting them over to the care of God. No parent can live for their child. However, it is imperative for a parent to live their life for Jesus Christ and let him do the work.
Randy Copeland is the senior pastor of Pleasant Grove Baptist Church in Moulton, AL.