I remember strapping our first child, Ken, into his car seat for the first time. After he spent an eventful week in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU), we were all finally going home as a family. I had driven on the Meadowbrook Parkway in Nassau County on Long Island, New York countless times, but this drive felt immensely different. The Meadowbrook Parkway can be packed with many aggressive New York drivers who would have seemed indifferent about the precious cargo we were transporting for the first time. As I drove, two things hit me deeply:
The reality of fatherhood.
A strong sense of responsibility.
Thankfully, we made it home!
It is an inextricable truth that the role of discipler is parental in scope. When Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven, his disciple, Elisha, cried, “My father, my father… (2 Ki. 2:12)” and the Apostle Paul referred to Timothy and Titus as his sons in the faith (1 Tim. 1:2; Tit. 1:4). Regardless of chronological age or marital status, the role of discipler must be filled by a spiritual parent.
The role of parent as a discipler is the first and chief role in the teacher-student discipleship relationship. And the processing I did regarding that first drive home with our son, parallels the spiritual processing that all disciplers must do. Being a parent biologically is not trivial, and neither is being a parent spiritually. I am certain that the Apostle Paul did not view spiritual parenting as a lesser form of parenting. After expressing his affection to the believers at Thessalonica by viewing them as his children (1 Thes. 2:7, 11), he expressed his anguish from being separated from them prematurely:
1 Thes 3:1 Wherefore when we could no longer forbear, we thought it good to be left at Athens alone;
1 Thes 3:5 For this cause, when I could no longer forbear, I sent to know your faith, lest by some means the tempter have tempted you, and our labour be in vain.
Not being able to forbear any longer spoke to the burden of the Apostle Paul regarding the spiritual well-being of the believers that he had left behind. What a parent would feel in being forcefully separated from their child, the Apostle Paul felt in being forcefully separated from the infant believers at Thessalonica.
This informs us that functioning as a spiritual parent is a gargantuan responsibility. To take on someone to disciple to only take an irresponsible position as a discipler is inexcusable and unacceptable. An immediate observation is that to be a discipler, we must care deeply for the believer that the Lord has entrusted into our care. The Apostle Paul articulated his deep care for God’s people this way:
Php 1:8 For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ.
As their spiritual father, Paul was expressing his intense Christlike burden for them. Even in an incarcerated state, he was burdened to be a blessing to them, as he was trusting the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to them. Paul knew that Timothy would care for them as he would (Php. 2:19-20). This is a beautiful portrait of a father who is willing to stop at nothing to provide for his children whatever they need to grow and thrive. Christlike disciplers embody this same heart. They possess an intense Christlike burden for the disciple. They are willing to go the distance and then some, to minister to the disciple that they might be conformed more into the image of Christ.
Ultimately, two chief prerequisites for functioning as a discipler are to possess a deep care and Christlike love for the believer that the Lord has entrusted into their care. And when that becomes a genuine reality, the discipler will be willing to spend themselves on behalf of the disciple:
2 Cor. 12:15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.
Php 2:17 Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all.
Kenny Morgan is the discipleship pastor at Midtown Baptist Temple in Kansas City, where he also leads the Life Fellowship adults class.
