I got saved when I was 14 years old. I recognized my sin and its consequences, I believed the preaching of Christ’s death, burial and resurrection that I had heard in my small, country church, and I responded in faith. I wanted to move forward in my faith. I got baptized. And then I went to church probably 10 times over the next 6 years and ultimately didn’t start following Christ as Lord of my life until I was 20.
I wish as a 14 year old, I would’ve responded like Peter did in John 6:68, saying, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.” To Jesus’ question of whether his disciples would turn away, Peter knew there was no better place to be than walking with Christ. To some extent, I might have understood that being close to God was good for me, but I didn’t see anyone I could walk with. There didn’t seem to me to be any structure in place. So I was saved, willing to move forward, but I ended up floundering around in sin and fruitlessness for the next 6+ years. My story looked like many of the stories of teens in our churches: outwardly respectful, generally kind, getting good grades, and not doing anything “too crazy.” Internally, I was giving my heart to sports, girls, and changing passions; the cares of this world were choking me out, and I didn’t even know what was wrong.
How did MBT Discover We Needed Something for Teens Before They Entered Adult Discipleship?
As you read through my brief testimony, you may have thought of another student, or family member, or kid in your church who has experienced that floundering. Or maybe you are forecasting and recognize that if things don’t change, they are sprinting towards disengagement, apathy, depression, anxiety, fruitlessness, confusion, sin, anger, or some awful blend of those. To experience or witness a teen going through that when we know the joy, the peace, the contentment, and the blessing of walking in the Spirit in the context of a local church breaks my heart. That just can’t happen.
A huge percentage of people get saved in later childhood/early adolescence and then hit these teenage years where the world “opens up” in terms of what they see and experience. They get saved and then undergo massive changes cognitively, emotionally, physically, relationally, but no one is there with them. (I’m not discounting the vital role of parenting, but rather highlighting the great benefit of another faithful and safe disciple entering into this storm with them).
Here are just a few of the realities that showed us we needed something intentional and structural for teens:
- Teens are bombarded with how to think, feel, behave from every angle. (See media, school, relational influences)
- Teens are making big life decisions. (See relationships, life pursuits, what to believe, etc.)
- Too many saved kids aren’t following Christ into adulthood. (See percentages surrounding high school to college-aged church attendance)
- We are called to disciple the saved. We need to be all things to all people and meet with teens where they are, modeling for them what it looks like to be a disciple. (See Jesus' life)
Many people think back to their adolescence or look at how weird/difficult/awkward it appears to be for this current generation and think, “Whoa, that’s a lot!” as they cautiously back away. The church cannot just back away or “hope for the best'' when it comes to our teens because we know Satan is more than willing to enter in (1 Pet. 5:8). Alongside the transformation of adolescence often comes confusion. The church is called to stand, speak the truth in love, and help others navigate this dark, crooked, and perverse world our teens are living in. The church is called to disciple teens.
What MBT came up with is called mentorship. Mentorship is a relationship between a faithful disciple and a teen who aspires to grow in walking with the Lord. It is not Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It’s a relationship centered around living life together and using the discovery Bible method to uncover together what the Bible says about our identity in Christ and our relationships in this life. Half the time, mentors are hanging out with their mentee, meeting the teenager while doing something they enjoy. Half the time, mentors and mentees are spending time reading the word of God. The lessons lead them in examining topics like our relationships with the word of God, our parents, our peers, and the opposite sex as well as our identities surrounding our emotions, evangelism, and navigating conflict. Relationships and identity confusion are where many of our teens are getting derailed, so we are simply and intentionally showing what the word of God says about these things when the teens need them most in the context of the mentorship relationship.
So, we realized we needed something to prevent teens falling away from their walks with Christ. But mentorship isn’t temporary, and it isn’t some lesser investment before getting to “real discipleship”. It is discipleship.
We are trusting the Lord that our teenagers would grow in personal accountability for their relationship with Christ and that they would stand on the word of God as their final authority. We believe and are praying that they would be fruitful, that they would win souls and lead Bible studies. We aren’t demanding perfection, but we also aren't punting until they are 20. For some, mentorship may serve as the thing that keeps them from floundering like I did. Praise God. For some, mentorship will be the gas they needed to be fruitful right now. Praise God.
The theme verse of mentorship is 1 Corinthians 11:1, where Paul writes, “Be ye followers of me, even as I am of Christ.” Paul knew that new disciples of Christ would benefit from, and need, to walk with a more experienced disciple of Christ. As you follow someone, you get to see how they think, and walk, and speak, and make decisions... and how they don’t. Paul was following hard after Christ, and he invited others to walk with him as he did so. This is what we are aiming to do in mentorship. For a teen to follow after me, I have to get to a place where they know that I care for them, that I am trustworthy, that I understand that they struggle, etc. For a teen to follow us, we can’t start where they are, and then immediately sprint in the direction we want them to go, we have to be followable.
What are the Principles for Mentoring Teens that We All Need to Know?
Instead of pretending I have all teenagers and the answers to all of their issues figured out, I’ll instead share some of the things we are striving to do in our ministry, and that God has been working through.
Join
Wherever the teen is, join them there. A good chunk of kids get turned off when we pull the “I have more experience so nothing you say can surprise me/I understand everything you are going through” card. As stated above, adolescence is a period of time where they are trying to figure out who they are, where they are going, and how they will get there. It is incredibly meaningful and powerful to teens when we will slow down, listen, and wait to give our answer. If we answer quickly, after receiving only part of the story, the teenager often goes away feeling misunderstood, talked over, and still in need of connection.
James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
1 Corinthians 9:22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.
Lead
When thinking about mentorship, we often think about pursuing the mentee’s heart, meeting them where they are, entering into the hurts, joys, successes, questions, and whatever other things that are going on in their lives. All that is important and good. And that must be balanced. If we are only entering into where they are... well, they are pre-teens and teens. They are wanting direction and support. They are struggling. Sometimes they are apathetic or generally confused about what to do. So when we enter into that place of limited vision, struggle, confusion and apathy, it’s not to sit there forever. It’s to meet them and begin walking after Christ with them in tow.
Extend, re-extend, and extend again the invitation to follow after you as you follow after Christ. As you are consistent and set the vision for what the relationship will look like, they will catch it. They will see it. And the reality is, they’ll adjust to your leadership either way. If you lead inconsistently, or prioritize meeting inconsistently, or are not prepared spiritually/emotionally/etc. when you get together, they’ll follow that example. That’s what they signed up to do, and that’s what adolescents are wired to do: to follow someone or something.
Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Burn
One thing I have not seen to be overly effective in eliciting response from teenagers is telling them how much better it is to follow God than the options the world offers. They have to see that it’s better. Where will they see it? It better be in our lives. This means that they have to have meaningful access into our lives to see how we are responding to different challenges and blessings in our lives. How can we expect to reproduce faith-filled, fruitful teens if this isn’t the life we are personally living? Fire keeps burning until it has nothing more to consume or something douses it out. There are attempts all around to douse our passion for God and living out his word day by day. Let the word of God burn in you and bubble out in conversation, as you see prayer answered, as you are fruitful, and as you have peace and joy through the seasons of life. That’s a lot more attractive than the cheap substitutes that the world is attempting to entice their flesh with. According to our faith be it unto us in our mentorship relationships. If we are resigned that our teenagers won’t overcome the obstacles in their lives? Well...
But if we are full of faith and interceding on their behalf? Well...
Psalm 119:10-11 With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments. 11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.
Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Pray & Partner
There is only so much a mentor or mentorship ministry can do. There is only so far one can reach. We can find ourselves in positions where we want change more than the teenager does. Continue in prayer with their family and with their pastoral leadership. A mentor isn’t to wrest authority from the parental or pastoral structure that God has placed in the life of the teen. That causes confusion and can lead to division. It’s a beautiful thing, however, when each of these parties is communicating and is on the same page trusting God to do what only he can do anyway.
Psalm 127:1 Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
Psalm 55:17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
Ultimately what we are trusting God to do through mentorship relationships is to bring adolescents from the place of weakness and questioning to strength, confidence, and stability in Christ.
1 John 2:14 I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.
This process looks like a teen getting to the place where the wicked one is overcome in their lives because the word of God is alive and abiding in them. We believe this is best done in the context of a relationship. Teens value connection. They crave close relationships, and their development encourages that to be outside of their nuclear family (often for the first time). We all need connection. We want someone to speak into the situations in our lives and join us there. The reality is that someone will join a teen in that place.
When we acknowledge — and then get past — the awkwardness of investing in adolescents, we recognize that we get the distinct privilege of ministering to individuals whose worlds are opening up. When we enter into this investment, we have to do so consistently.
The prodigal son returned and was grateful to be received back, but wouldn’t it be sweet if our churches held onto some more of those sons and daughters before all of that riotous living, and that time was converted to intentional investment falling out to God being glorified?
Check out this episode of The Postscript Show for more edifying ideas about youth ministry
Josh O’Hora leads the mentorship and junior high ministries at Midtown Baptist Temple in Kansas City, MO.